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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22961386">i'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BensCalligraphySet/pseuds/BensCalligraphySet'>BensCalligraphySet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Devoted Reylo, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, a whole lot of fluff and very minimal plot, actually no plot whatsoever, mentions of pregnancy (very brief)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:55:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,539</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22961386</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BensCalligraphySet/pseuds/BensCalligraphySet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years after Exegol, Ben and Rey settle into married life on Naboo.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>509</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Galactic Idiots Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Naboo</p>
<p>
  <em> Five Years After Exegol </em>
</p>
<p>Rey sinks her feet into the soft, white sand. It’s nothing like the sand on Jakku, which sticks to the body like a second skin, impossible to get rid of even after you’ve scrubbed yourself clean. She thought she wouldn’t want to see another grain again, for as long as she lived, but like with so much about her life now, this is different. </p>
<p>The gentle whistling of the sea breeze merges with the sound of the waves that lap up against the shore. It’s soothing, a contrast to the violent rumbling of the ocean crashing against the rugged cliffs on Ahch-To. Seabirds fly overhead, flapping their wings and serpentining across the sky. Rey draws a long, deep breath and closes her eyes, leaning back to let the sunshine warm her face. The air smells like salt and seaweed. </p>
<p>She can hear her name being called somewhere in the distance, but there’s no urgency in the voice. She can feel him, and his gentle tug on the bond.<em> There you are</em>, he says, without saying anything at all. </p>
<p>His footsteps are quiet despite his build. Rey senses his approach even before she feels his shadow looming over her. She cracks an eye, squinting against the midday sun, and finds her husband looking down at her. </p>
<p>“So this is where you’ve been hiding.” </p>
<p>Ben’s lips quirk into a smile. They’ve been together for years, and it still robs her of breath when she sees him looking so casually happy. There was a time when Rey used to count his smiles and her chest would puff up with pride every time she was the cause or the reason behind one of his subdued chuckles. </p>
<p>“Not hiding, just… meditating.”</p>
<p>Ben hums and plops down behind her, wrapping his arms around her stomach and pulling her in between his legs, flush against his chest. Rey burrows into him and drops her head on his shoulder. It feels like coming home. </p>
<p>“What were you meditating about?”</p>
<p>Rey shrugs. “Oh, you know, silly things. Life... the universe... what’s for dinner.”</p>
<p>Ben’s chuckles reverberate against her back.  </p>
<p>“It’s always food with you,” he teases, but it’s ripe with fondness.</p>
<p>“It’s not my fault my husband is an excellent chef.”</p>
<p>“Please,” he scoffs. “You’d eat a bar of soap if it smelled good enough.”</p>
<p>She swats his leg, which earns her a retaliatory poke in the ribs, right where she’s the most ticklish. </p>
<p>“That was <em> one </em> time and it’s not my fault Han kept his toiletries in a cabinet in the kitchen, of all places.”</p>
<p>“The Falcon is a place where mundane things such as common sense simply do not exist,” he deadpans. </p>
<p>“I’ll say,” she snorts.</p>
<p>Ben flicks her nose. “Your husband needs to go to the market to buy groceries, or else there will be no dinner for you.” </p>
<p>Ben stands and shakes the sand from his trousers. They’re looser than the ones he used to wear, back when he was Supreme Leader. Rey pushes the thought from her mind. She doesn’t like to dwell on it. Rarely does, nowadays. </p>
<p>“I’ll go with you,” she offers with an open smile. </p>
<p>Ben offers her a hand to help her stand. She takes it.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>The market is bustling with patrons and vendors in their booths full of flowers and produce. It’s a small village, but a prosperous one. Colourful houses dot the surrounding streets and the delighted sounds of children playing fills the air, nanny droids chasing after them as their parents barter with the merchants. </p>
<p>They walk hand in hand, occasionally stopping to pick up a dozen pears or a cut of meat. Rey’s eyes don’t widen when they see such a plentiful display of food anymore, but Ben remembers when they did, and the memory still pinches his heart. </p>
<p>“Pick whatever you want,” he says.</p>
<p>Rey throws him a suspicious look. </p>
<p>“I thought you were doing the cooking.”</p>
<p>He always is. She’s not the most illustrious cook. Her propensity to cause small grease fires is a well-documented fact. Back on the Resistance base, she had been banned from cooking duty after one too many altercations and several complaints from the kitchen droids. Poe still brings it up sometimes, when he feels like risking his neck.</p>
<p>“Yes, but I can make pretty much anything you want.” </p>
<p>She chews on her thumb, eyeing the butcher’s stand pensively. “Oh! How about that stew you made ages ago with the sweet wine and those incredible gor apples and-”</p>
<p>“Okay, yes, I remember,” Ben interrupts with a chuckle. </p>
<p>She laces their hands once more and swings them between them as they walk over to the fruit stand. </p>
<p>“And for dessert?” Ben asks. </p>
<p>Rey peers at him from under her lashes. Her wicked smile leaves no room for interpretation.</p>
<p>“I’m looking at it.”</p>
<p>.</p>
<p><br/>


</p><p>Later, he pins her to the wall like artwork and rains kisses down her neck, her stomach, her legs. There isn’t a spot in her body he has omitted to investigate with his hands or his tongue. </p>
<p>Dessert is sweet. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p><br/>


</p><p>For their first anniversary, Rey gifts him with a brand new calligraphy set after he tells her how much he misses his old one. </p>
<p>Ben loves to write— notes, thoughts, poems — little scribbles and entire pages of words. Most of them are about her. He pours his heart out on scraps of flimsiplast and leaves them carefully folded on Rey’s pillow for her to find in the morning when he’s gone, or he traces the words with his fingers down her naked back, spelling love on her skin as her eyes flutter shut. </p>
<p>He spends hours teaching her how to write her name in pretty, looping cursive. She asks him to teach her how to write his. The next day, when he’s tidying up his desk he finds the piece of paper Rey used to practice her calligraphy. <em> Rey Solo </em>, written in her scraggly handwriting, again and again and again. He traces the letters reverently, chest tight with emotion, before storing it in a locked drawer, next to all their precious valuables. </p>
<p>For their second anniversary, Ben gifts her with a garden shed he builds himself on the edge of their property.</p>
<p>Rey loves to garden. She enjoys planting tiny little seeds into the ground, watering them every day and watching them bloom into beautiful, colourful flowers. She discovers she has quite a green thumb, and she makes the most of it. <em> Everything you touch blooms so beautifully </em> , he says and she nods. Nothing has ever flourished more wondrously under her watchful eye than <em> him </em>. </p>
<p>For their third anniversary, they don’t leave the house. </p>
<p>They lose track of time, because life takes longer to live when you’re lost in the warmth of a pair of arms that love you. </p>
<p>They treasure the little moments, like when Rey makes tea late at night wearing nothing but one of his shirts, her hair tied in a bun held together with a strip of fabric, a lone wispy curl grazing the back of her neck. Ben comes in and wraps his arms loosely around her middle and holds her close to his chest and they sway back and forth as Ben hums a gentle melody into the crook of her neck. </p>
<p>They walk the seaside trail by their house every day, hands clasped as tightly as their souls, enjoying the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs and the comfort of each other’s company.</p>
<p>They’re quiet, these moments, but their love is loud. </p>
<p>They bicker about little, inconsequential things, like Rey’s habit of tracking mud into the house with her boots, or Ben’s propensity to leave half-drunk mugs of caf everywhere he goes. </p>
<p>Arguments are met with a laborious sigh and an <em> Okay, sweetheart, </em> from Ben, which typically only serves up to fire up Rey’s already fiery temper, eliciting a growled</p>
<p><em> Ben </em> and a stone cold look. </p>
<p>Depending on her tone, <em> Ben </em> can mean love, affection, anger or frustration. </p>
<p>She was the first person to see through the mask and call him by his real name when he was Kylo Ren to the world. Rey always knew what kind of man was hiding under the physical and emotional mask of Kylo Ren — she’s a scavenger, she knows a treasure when she sees one. </p>
<p>Calling him Ben was special then, and it’s special now. It’s her version of a term of endearment, which she punctuates with a lingering touch or a playful shove. </p>
<p>Ben’s got a few in his repertoire.</p>
<p><em> Sweetheart </em> is his go-to. It’s a <em> Good morning, sweetheart, </em>when he plants a gentle kiss on each of her sleepy eyes, and then one on her lips for good measure — their morning routine.</p>
<p><em> Darling </em> is for those absentminded moments when he calls out to her distractedly — <em> Darling, have you seen my datapad </em> ? and <em> darling, I’m going to the market. What do we need </em>?</p>
<p><em>Wife</em> is for when he’s frustrated. When they bicker, when she drives him mad, when she pushes his buttons. <em>If</em> <em>you hadn’t decided to dismantle the caf machine at three in the morning, wife, we might have had coffee for breakfast and you wouldn’t be sulking right now.</em></p>
<p><em> Baby </em> is for when he wants to make her feel good. It’s for late nights and lazy mornings, when he has all the time in the world to slowly make her come undone. <em> Take it off for me, baby </em> he says, low and raspy, the way he knows she likes it. <em> Slowly </em> . And she does.<br/>

</p><p>.</p>
<p><br/>


</p><p>It’s not always easy. There are bad days. They’re rarer now, but they still loom around the corner. </p>
<p>The voices in Ben’s head are gone, but his memories still ring loud in his ears sometimes. When it happens — when he becomes trapped in the clutches of his past — Rey has learned it’s best to give him space. Not so much that he feels alone, but enough for him to process his feelings without her own worry weighing down the bond. Help can be a challenging gift to deliver.  </p>
<p>He still gets angry sometimes. He still feels frustrated, still has that Skywalker need to control the uncontrollable, but he knows how to work through it now. How to not let it fester inside him. He knows Rey will listen, and she will understand. Help can be a challenging gift to deliver, but Ben knows how to accept it now. </p>
<p>He sometimes feels guilty for not always being the version of the man Rey deserves by her side. He doesn’t ever want his sadness to find an echo in her. Rey is a window onto real happiness, one he never thought he could climb through. </p>
<p>But they’re compatible even on this; he has a penchant for tidying obsessively when he’s feeling chaotic inside; she has a tendency to bury her head in work to hide her anxieties. But their connection proves a powerful ally, because it’s a direct line to their innermost thoughts and feelings — she knows when to pull him out of isolation; he knows when to fetch her from the hangar bay where she escounces herself for hours, tinkering with obsolete speeders and old droid parts because busy hands mask busy minds and sometimes Rey gets so caught up in her own head she forgets to stop to eat. </p>
<p>It’s a symbiotic relationship. A perfectly balanced give and take. A bone-deep understanding of each other, at their core, that requires no words or explanation. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p><br/>

</p><p>“With the Resistance, it sometimes felt like I was acting a part,” Rey admits, not long after the war ended, when it’s just the two of them in the captain’s quarters of the Falcon. </p>
<p>“Like I had to be good and patient and strong all the time. It was exhausting.” The words are hushed, almost like she’s ashamed to say them out loud.</p>
<p><em> But with you, I don’t have to be anything more or less than I am. </em> She doesn’t say it, because she doesn’t need to. Ben knows. </p>
<p>“Can you…?” She doesn’t know what she’s asking for, exactly, but Ben nods anyway. He wipes her tears with the pad of his thumb and holds her close. </p>
<p>Rey is not someone who has ever felt comfortable confiding in others or demanding things from them. She supposes that’s why she’s always needed him. Ben is someone she can ask things of. </p>
<p>It’s just the two of them cocooned in each other’s arms in the quiet of his father’s ship, surrounded by a galaxy of stars. The universe could fold in on itself and disappear, and they would spend every last minute until then looking into each other’s eyes. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p><br/>

</p><p>He offers to braid her hair before their wedding ceremony.</p>
<p>It takes Rey by surprise, but she makes no effort to hide how pleased she is. He told her what braids mean to him  — what they meant to his mother, a princess of Alderaan. How, on her planet, braids were not just a tradition; they were a language. For someone like Rey, who grew up without any family of her own to inherit things from, it’s immeasurably special that Ben is willing to share his with her. </p>
<p>He perches himself on the edge of the bed while she sits down on a little stool in front of him and he takes her soft, brown hair in his hands and begins the slow, careful work of arranging it into a beautiful, intricate pattern. </p>
<p>Rey cries when she sees it. She’s never been vain or even particularly concerned with her appearance, but it’s hard to keep her emotions in check when she looks in the mirror and sees her reflection and feels beautiful. </p>
<p>“Do you like it?” Ben looks unsure of himself. He rakes his hands through his hair and avoids her scrutiny. </p>
<p>“I… I do, Ben. So much.” </p>
<p>Rey inspects the crown of hair with the tips of her fingers, careful not to ruin his work. She swallows the lump in her throat and asks, “What do they mean?” </p>
<p>On Alderaan, each braid has meaning to the wearer and to the braider. It’s intimate and special, he’d told her. <em> Both the braiding and the unbraiding of someone’s air holds significance and weight </em>. </p>
<p>“It’s an Alderaanian wedding braid,” Ben explains, voice thick with emotion. “Traditionally, it was the groom’s honor to do it. Each row is a vow, and you’re meant to say a prayer as you weave it.” </p>
<p>Rey lacks the words to tell him how she feels — so she decides to show it instead. Her hands are gentle when she places them on his chest and her touch is soft when she cradles his cheek and brings him down for a kiss. She feels him trembling, just a litte. </p>
<p>The wedding ceremony is an intimate affair. It’s just them and a small group of their most treasured friends, gathered together to celebrate love and family. </p>
<p>Their vows are simple. </p>
<p>“My hand is yours to hold,” and she slips a ring on his finger. </p>
<p>“My heart is yours to keep,” and he does the same to her. </p>
<p>Then Ben tips her chin up and kisses her once, twice, three times. The first one is an apology; the second is an offering; the third is a promise. </p>
<p>
  <em> I’m sorry for all the times I failed you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Here’s my heart; it’s yours for the taking. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I will love you until my dying day, and long after that. </em>
</p>
<p>They’ve never been the kind of people who need words to communicate, so Rey answers with three of her own. </p>
<p>That night, when they’re alone in their room, Ben offers to take down her hair. Rey blushes when his fingers touch her scalp and she gasps when they carefully untangle her tresses and her breath hitches when his hands roam from her hair down to her neck and then to her chest, right over her heart. Her heartbeat speeds up at the way he looks at her — like he’s a bounty hunter and she’s solid gold. </p>
<p>Rey places her hand above his and even though his is bigger, rougher, more callused, when he turns it over to slot their fingers together, it’s a perfect fit. </p>
<p>“I do believe the Force made you for me,” he says, and something warm blooms and spreads in Rey’s chest. </p>
<p>Gently, he takes her face in both of his hands and brings his lips down on hers. It’s soft, this kiss.  She presses against his body, knowing what his skin feels like under his clothes and wanting them off. </p>
<p>He grants her wishes, and she traces his skin with a warm touch. Her eyes, when she looks up at him, are hungry and hold the kind of love Ben never imagined for himself. </p>
<p>They say marriage is a gamble, and the Solos have never shied away from a bet. </p>
<p>Ben is ready to go all in. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p><br/>

</p><p>“What about Varykino?” Rey asks. </p>
<p>They settle on Naboo as the place they want to make their home. <em> Where </em> on Naboo proves to be a harder question to answer. Theed is too busy and neither of them are keen to deal with the kind of exposure living in a large city would bring. </p>
<p>Ben frowns. “The Lake Country is our birthright, but…” </p>
<p>He lets it hang. </p>
<p>“It doesn’t have to be our future, I get it.”</p>
<p>“I want our future to be our own, without the ghosts of the past weighing us down.” </p>
<p>Rey smirks. “<em> Let the past die </em>?” </p>
<p>That earns her a snort. </p>
<p>“Not die,” he murmurs. “Let it rest.” </p>
<p>Rey, sprawled out next to him on their bed, frowns. </p>
<p>“Are <em> you </em> going to rest anytime soon? It feels like we’ve been up for days.” </p>
<p>“And whose fault is that?” His voice drips sarcasm. </p>
<p>He lowers himself down, his face coming within her reach. She pokes his cheek. </p>
<p>“I love your dimple. I feel like I could drown in it.”</p>
<p>Ben smirks. “Good thing I taught you how to swim, scavenger.” </p>
<p>Rey wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him down. She sinks her teeth into his neck, leaving behind a perfectly etched lovebite. </p>
<p>“Still absolutely feral,” he says with a shake of his head. </p>
<p>“At least I know what a <em> salad </em> fork is used for now.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?”</p>
<p>She flips them so she’s on top and sits astride his lap, grinning. “To stab you with when you annoy me with your talk of<em> table manners </em>.” </p>
<p>He laughs against her lips when she captures his mouth in a passionate kiss. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p><br/>

</p><p>They don’t spend long apart, preferring to accompany each other when they have to go off-planet. When one of them stays behind, it almost always results in late night holo chats where neither of them gets any sleep. </p>
<p>Coming home is their favourite part. </p>
<p>Early on in their relationship, Rey would try to sneak up on him upon her return. She’d tiptoe through the house, scarcely making a sound, and attempt to catch him unaware. She was never successful. </p>
<p>“How did you know it was me?”</p>
<p>Ben huffs out a laugh and pulls her into his arms. She goes willingly, lacing her arms around his neck.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart, I would know you anywhere.” </p>
<p>He cups her nape and angles her head so he can look into her eyes.</p>
<p>“I would know you deaf,” he says as he playfully nicks her earlobe.</p>
<p>“I would know you blind,” he says as he plants a gentle kiss on each of her eyelids. </p>
<p>“I would know you numb,” he says as he kisses her, slow and languid, as if they had all the time in the world to savour the taste of each other’s mouths. </p>
<p>Because they do. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p><br/>

</p><p>Their life on Naboo is peaceful. Their house is modest but cozy. Their pantry is always stocked and their garden is a curious mix of herbs and flowers, fragrant and colourful.  Rey knows they will eventually build a space for all the Force sensitive children in the galaxy to come of their own free will to learn about the stars and the universe and the way they’re all connected, somehow, in this beautiful symbiotic way that allows them to see and hear and feel so much more of life. Not as Jedi, or warriors, but as students of the Force. </p>
<p>Together, Ben and Rey will teach them about good and bad, right and wrong, and how intrinsically connected the two are. </p>
<p>They will teach them about the light.</p>
<p>They will teach them about the dark.</p>
<p>They will teach them about grey.</p>
<p>But for now, it’s just the two of them in their little seaside cottage on Naboo, learning about love and forgiveness and the perfect love between two imperfect souls. </p>
<p>It’s just the two of them, until the day Ben feels it — a Force signature different than his, than Rey’s. It’s small, but bright, and it takes his breath away. He drops the dish he’d been holding and it shatters on the ground. He turns, and there’s Rey, arms wrapped protectively around her stomach, tears in her eyes. </p>
<p>“Ben…”</p>
<p>There’s awe and fear and love, so much love in her voice.</p>
<p>And of all the times Rey has said his name, Ben thinks this is by far his favourite. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my feeble attempt at trying to heal some of the wounds inflicted by TROS - both the movie and the novelization. I hope the overdose of fluff helped soothe some of the hurt. </p>
<p>Come say hi on Twitter/Tumblr! I'm @galacticidiots on both.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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